In search of myself!

Life is so rhythmic. We all lead different lives rather lifestyles but the essence of existence is pretty much the same. Funny how I think life is may be like an ice-cube tray. You fill it with new people in each stage of life and once they move on you just have to refill the void. Not all cubes are of the same shape and likewise we come across a variety of people who teach us so much at each stage. These stages also come at critical points. Until college each of these stages are different schools, classes, semesters, apartments, etc. Critical are those once you grow up, once you have some stability, some monotony in life. Cause then you are not emptying the tray or rather there are less or no cubes to replace at times. It’s not just people, its life in general. You are at one place, one job, and one home and the picture looks perfect from a distance, but do you get the question “What’s next??”  I know most people are usually striving for this stability and don’t get me wrong, I’m pretty much happy with my job too. But it’s definitely monotonous; it’s not fun like college! I want to go on to do more in life, it might be another 9-5 job, but where I’m making a difference in this world, giving back to the community in some way or the other. But it’s not like I’m not doing the same right now, what if the “next” will get me back to this question again? Is it just me or is this a quarter-life crisis? I always thought I will never go through these crises, I will be a happy soul and would dodge this bullet. And if I tell you more about my life, you would call me fool to claim to have a crisis.

I always thought I would be that independent, strong 25 something living and travelling around the US and I would be happy! But who knew 25 would also hammer some sense into me, would make me more-than-required ambitious. I know what all I want to do on the professional front, but everything is in future and is going to take time, patience. We millennials lack patience the most. But in the meantime I have to keep doing something, hobby, learning, reading; in short evolving. Now it’s not about going from 25 to 26 and so on. Now it’s about “me at 25” to “me at 26”. When I reflect back I should be a happier, better person with each passing year.

I thought over this for days, read about people who claim to have these crises and made a decision of evolving in my own way. So here are a few things I’m going to do this year: get back to reading. As a kid I was a voracious reader, in fact until recently it was more about what’s famous in the market, read it. Not anymore. Now I’m going to sit, think what interests me, explore books in that genre and read. Read philosophy; learn different ways of life, behavior, history, space, future and you name it. Find a hobby. It could be learning an instrument, singing, dancing or painting. I don’t believe you have to be passionate about your work. Not all are lucky enough have a full time career in their area of passion. But you need to be passionate about something. “Without passion you don’t have energy, without energy you have nothing.” We don’t want to be nothing. So yes I’m going to find my energy, one which lets me forget everything around me. It has to be my kind of meditation. So I’m mostly going to pick up an instrument and find my solace. I strongly feel the word “wanderlust”. I love travelling and have done pretty much of it with friends until now. But now I’m going to travel for myself, for my company, to learn to love my own time. You have to learn to embrace yourself. We all are born alone and end up alone irrespective of how many loving people we are surrounded by. It need not be an exotic destination like Mexico or Bahamas. It can be just exploring a new state park or a creek side one evening or a small town nearby. From there I’ll take it a notch up to other states and other countries eventually!

Essentially I want to learn to love my own company, live for myself, go out in search of my happiness and be truly independent. Until the next job or college degree calls I’ve to learn to make the most of each moment. And I know it seems easy since I have it chalked out. But until I don’t pick up that book to read, until I don’t take that first step towards that class or until I don’t put on my shoes for that solo hike I’m nowhere near to the “me at 26”.

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